Thursday, December 4, 2008
{wat u say..}
i gt ur reply..
thanx for actually even reading this blog..
but im putting an end to everything..
u?waiting for us?
u dono how to ask ah?
do u know why we always nv ask u out?
DO U KNOW WHY?
IS BCZ WE ARE SCARE OF U.
BCZ WHENEVER WE ASK U OUT,
U ALWAYS HAVE A LOT,A LOT OF EXCUSES THAT U WILL NV TURN OUT!
AND UR MX WILL BE ANGRY AND ALL TT STUFF.
WE EXPERIENCE IT B4 ALR.
U WAN US TO FEEL THE SAME AGAIN?
YA,U SAID HE NOW CHANGE,
BUT BCZ WE EXPERIENCE IT B4,
SO DO U THINK WE WILL STILL ASK U OUT?
U DONO HOW TO ASK AH?
den wat else do u still wan me to know?
i am feeling really terrible.
u say joyce is another u?
NO,FYI,SHE IS NT.
we are close?
NO.
onli hei mun.
ya,me and joyce are pretty close.
is tt wat u think?
for UR INFORMATION,
HELL NO.
BCZ,
I CANNOT BE MYSELF WHEN I AM WIF THEM.
THE ONLI PERSON I CAN DO TT IS ONLI U AND MANDY.
BCZ ONLI U TWO UNDERSTANDS ME.
BUT WHERE WERE U WHEN I NEEDED U SO BADLY?
WANTED TO ASK U AND MANDY PLUS GWEN OUT,
but mandy will have sth on,den gwen will say no.
u leh?
I DON EVEN WANNA ASK AT ALL.
AT ALL.
i have no choice but to find them.
u think i am havin a gd time wif them?
i am nt.
is bcz band time i have no frenes,tts why.
do u know how impt u and mandy are for me?
bcz i don have ANOTHER COMPANY LIKE U and mandy.
i don have frenes alr.
i dono who to call,who to chat,who to quarrel and gossip wif.
I DON HAVE.
wat can i say?u will nv understand.
and i don need u to understand.
why?
bcz in ur heart,we/i don matter at all.
u have liliang and nic and etc don u?
well wat shall i say,
GD FOR U.
well done sweetheart.
i tt u will nv be like last time de me.
whenever i have a bf,i always left u guys alone.
i tt U will understand.
but it turns out,no.
u nv.
bcz all u have in ur mind,is onli him rite?
wat can i say?
i have nth to say.
and why the hell am i cryin when i have typing?
IS BCZ I FELT REALLY TERRIBLE WHEN I AM TYPING THIS.
I'M REALLY SICK AND TIRED OF U.
U WILL NV UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH U AND MANDY ACTUALLY MEANS TO ME.
U WILL NV EVER KNOW.
AND PLEASE,DON PROMISE ME ANYTING ANYMORE.
every word u type.. im crying inside my heart...
im trying my best to not cry..
im sry i made u feel so bad
if i explain.. will it make it worst..
if i nv explain.. will it be btr..
someone pls tell me..
im really sry....
tats all i can say now...
Friday, November 28, 2008
{thru all these times..}
finally came to the tot tat
things changed...
since only a couple of people know this blog
and i bet
no one is gg to read this blog
as though it does not exist...
im gg to say everything out super straight here..
i read cass's blog
somebody told me sth and i am here to reply U.my dear,don make promises when u know u cant keep it.i don wan to have high hopes and den u shattered it again.all talk but no action from u?u're always like tis.when will u ever change?for us?u wont,of cz.cz u onli have him and him in ur mind.and like i say again,pls,don make promises wif us if u know u cant keep itya i read it.. and i know u refering to me
i dun want to make empty promises
and its not tat i dun want to make any actions to like asking u all out
during the holidays
whenever i go out with my friends
its always they asked me out
so i go if possible most of the time
but if no one did
i will just find me...
this end of year holiday is like almost the last real holiday time i can spend with him
im not sure whether he will continue to study
or will he head to NS next year
if he does
our time will be much more shorten...
i dun want to regret it..
i know im being selfish here... but i know i hv much more time with all of u in sch..
but i already realised how much i hv alr drifted apart from u all<<
joyce is like the new me in the group
all of u are hanging out well with her
im sry tat alot of time i wasnt able to be with u
but im trying my best to plan out the time i hv.. with my family and friends and him...
he become more understanding to me hanging out with u all
so all these times i was waiting for u all to call me out too..
im sry i let u down...
but im not exactly in very happy and gd mood alot of times..
and believe me..
my heart shattered and fall apart much more and the STUPIDEST me had place
my hopes way up to high and shattered so much time...
recently i hvent been in touch with my friends at all..
mandy,cass,heimun,gwen,joa,sarah and nici hvent seen all of them in weeks..
and i know our relationship will nv much be like before...
especially with mandy,cass,heimun and gwen..
i let them down...
its my fault...
but i always feel left out whenever its with them...
im really sry..
i really want to say a whole lots of thanx to
Liangu always been there for me although alot of times i cant be with u
u really are my true best friend
i cant find anyone btr den u
u r always there to be my listening ear..
especially when problems and the quarrels with laogong came..
i really love u alot..
u r my most treasured friend tat i want to keep by my side always!!
u r the one who had nv abandon me even when i strted my relationship
with laogong..i love u mummi liliang..!!
i guess i can say u r the one true best friend i hv now tat will always be so close to me
thanx!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
So maybe nothing else will ever be so clear
Or maybe that's only my fear
If just for one day I wish I could disappear
Just take me far from here
{the dream..}
ok i dun think i want to put it on my blog..
so im putting it here..
today was suppose to go out on a date with laogong...
but end up nv..
sometimes i really think tat
ur games r more important than me..
i cant help but dun feel the importance of me within u..
i was really head over heels
when u asked me out ytd
srsly..
for someone who doesnt like to go out
finally decided to go out just coz of me
i was really overjoyed!
and u finally said u would come over to find me instead
of the usual me coming over to find u
do u noe i was so happy till i could cry
u finally decided to do something for me
but this did not last long..
all u did the whole nite was gaming and gaming..
we did not even plan anything for the date..
do u know i was damn disappointed...
i just wanted to spend the best of my time with u tmr
but u was so caught up with ur games..
i understand u need to play
but wat abt me..
wat can i do..
u keep saying ltr den say..
when is ur ltr sometimes...
till 1 plus u still playing..
it is den tat i noe maybe we really cant go out tmr..
i cried..
coz my dreams gt shattered again..
i had a dream last night...
i explained to mandy
since she asked me
i cant forget abt tat dream..
becoz it really reflected today..
i dun really want to say out everything..
but the conclusion of the dream was tat
i could not go out with laogong at all..
just like today we nv went out on a date..
does tat means we will nv go out.. and just always at his house...
i always had dreams on my life..
maybe its because of watching too much drama
but i always been hving dreams of it
i know those are just dramas
but some things they say inside are so true..
i always believed tat when u love someoneu are willing to sacrifice everything for themand change everything for themcoz loving somone is about 包容和让对方and its because u loved tat personmaybe i was wrong to believe tat
coz not matter how much i do tat
i dun think its quite true...
or either is u dun love me alot like i do..
i been changing.. sacrificing..
before..
im always the one who put friends in the first place
always with them and with family
always out outside with them
shopping till i cant...
or just walking abt is fine with me
but i nv liked to be kept in a place for too long
and nv once even if i had someone i like
put them in the first place
because i nv loved anyone so much before..
until i find u
i changed and i dun mind not gg out
just staying at home with u is fine by me
i dun mind me changing..
even though i know i hurt quite alot of people
but as long as u and i are happy
i dun mind wat other might even say...
time and time i let u.. followed ur way..
but now..
i really cant..
not only my dream is shattered
but my hearts is shattered like the pieces are too small to be seen and found
i know im being selfish now..
i just want it my way for once..
can u just let me this time..
without in my life or anywhere...
i find no reason to smile..
its terrifieing when im all alone without u
ur place in my heart is a place no one can take
my friends and family had their place in my heart
everyone hv..
just follow my way can ma...
srsly..
im now frustrated and upset over all these..
u shld know wat im refering to..
Friday, October 10, 2008
{the feeling}
the feeling of hv my heart ripped out alive..
these days my hands are bleeding from picking up
those sharp and broken pieces of my heart
over and over again and hving it put bck in its original shape
i lost the meaning to look forward to everyday
i lost the meaning to stay awake
i lost the meaning to stay alive
and i lost the meaning of waking up coz i think i could just sleep for eternity
i know u will be fine
with ur games
with ur friends
u will be fine
with ur games
u can forget abt me
with ur friends
playing with them u will be happy
when u want to be alone
im left alone
i lost everything tat i could hv in this world
a shoulder
a hug
a kiss
a perfect guy tat is only i know he is and meant for me to protect me
the feeling of being love and enbraced
and myself...
i choose to sleep for eternity
if u dun want me anymore..
if think tat u r gd for nth..
u r just tearing my heart apart and ripping it out alive..
im just dead like tat..
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
{who really understands}
i always believed and know tat u understand me the most..
u know wat im thinking everytime without me saying
u know what i want
and know who i am btr den i do
but i guess not....
im just a nobody tat no one needs to understand me...
im so complicated tat people wont hv the need to go understand me
and always mistaken me for who im not
i give up...i dun want to go find people tat will understand me le...
guess keeping my feelings and tots to myself is the best choice...
im not gg to update le...
no point in letting people know me le..
coz im jus a good for nothing trash...
Friday, September 26, 2008
{真的, 我沒事 Really, I'm Fine}
真的, 我沒事 - 符致逸
On and on the pain goes on
And it wouldn't just wouldn't die
我竟遠比想像中軟弱且無能為力
對你的眼神選擇了逃避
恨自己 恨自己
On and on the pain lives on
It's hurting so much more
就讓我被悔不當初的罪惡吞去
懲罰過後能否帶來解脫
I'll be fine I'll be fine
So many cried listening to God
讓堅強不只是種偽裝
So many lies listening to you
天亮後 I will be fine
On and on the pain goes on
and I just don't know how to cope
伸手抱住自己是否就能夠不再空虛
最後信念 別放棄
I will be fine
So many cried listening to you
希望你能再給我力量
So many lies listening to you
什麼時候 I will be fine
當我再也不對任何事期待
只剩下你 只剩下你
有天當我捨棄一切見你
請妳要微笑不語
So many cried listening to you
希望你能再給我力量
So many lies listening to you
什麼時候 I will be fine
On and on the pain goes on
And it wouldn't just wouldn't die
I'm far weaker and more powerless than I thought
I chose to avoid your eyes
Hate myself, hate myself
On and on the pain lives on
It's hurting so much more
Just let the sin of regret swallow me
Will the punishment bring salvation
I'll be fine I'll be fine
So many cried listening to God
Let being strong not only a show
So many lies listening to you
When morning comes, I will be fine
On and on the pain goes on
and I just don't know how to cope
Will hugging myself fill the emptiness
The last faith, don't give up
I will be fine
So many cried listening to you
I hope you can give me the strength again
So many lies listening to you
When I will be fine
When I no longer look forward to anything
Only you are left, only you are left
If one day, I leave behind everything to see you
Please smile without saying anything
So many cried listening to you
I hope you can give me the strength again
So many lies listening to you
When I will be fine
